our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
