Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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