i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
