Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
