Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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