dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
