I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You made out with two different species that night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
