Your dad touched me again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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