Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
