I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
