I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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