His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
