He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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