apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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