I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize