So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
