I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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