im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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