i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Enjoy the penises
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
