we're chasing vodka with high fives
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
