I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
