That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
