did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
no you cant smoke seaweed
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Randomize
