I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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