Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
