summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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