Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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