He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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