I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize