i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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