do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
