I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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