I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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