Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
