I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
