A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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