I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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