I will die if light touches me.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
