I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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