Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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