we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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