my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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