one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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