I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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