Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
