JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
