So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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