One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
