I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
