reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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