If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
