please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
