Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
