Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
