Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
