she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
