don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
