I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
