Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
