I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she looked like the before picture.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
