In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've blown a few things in my day
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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