I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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