Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
