If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
