did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
