Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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