The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
