My liver just broke up with me...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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