There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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