Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
