I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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