My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize