yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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