Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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