We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
