we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
