Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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